As I sit in one of my favorite spots on my little patio behind by bedroom with twinkling lights I wanted to share a few things that have been on my mind this week. They aren’t anything deep, or perhaps it doesn’t feel like it is, yet I find it keeps shaking me to my core.
Trust has been my key lesson the past few days. It’s a little ironic because if you asked me even a week ago, I’d say I had a lot of faith. Yes, hi Ms. Arrogant. Sorry.
Actually, I haven’t just been schooled on trust (and apparently humility, too!), I’m also learning about integrity in ways like never before. I know someone who had a choice to stand up for her beliefs and worth risking the value of all the houses on my street put together. We’re talking big-time money on the line. I’ve heard stories of people being forced to either spit on a picture of Jesus and live or refuse and die. Her options weren’t necessarily as black and white, at least not in my mind. I envisioned grey. Correction: I encouraged grey. Hoped for it. Even thought she was a little nuts for avoiding it.
“I won’t compromise,” she said. “People need the truth. Jesus is the truth.”
She has no idea how much she’s inspired me. You see, my faith normally is a between God and me thing, something wrestled in the confines of my home without others really knowing about it. But to make it public, to stand firm on it even when it costs everything?
I waited outside the high school to pick my daughter up today. I can’t stand carpool lines, so I park at the back of the school, the place where those kids to hang out. You know, the ones who use that substance that Colorado politicians decided to make legal even though the federal government is opposed to it and the kids who use more expletives in a sentence than I normally hear in a week.
I normally flip a u-ie to park across from this gathering, but I got there a few minutes late today, meaning their party had already started and was pouring into the street, making it harder to turn around without hitting anyone. So I pulled up to the curb, puffs of smoke wafting past my car.
I contemplated rolling down my windows as I waited for my Girlie, but quickly decided against it.
I wish I could say it had everything to do with wanting to avoid letting their smoke fill my car, but here’s the gut-honest truth: I was playing Christian music.
What will they think? I caught myself inquiring.
Really? Do I seriously care what a group of high school students thinks about me?
Romans 1:16 says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” I, however, can’t say that I’m not ashamed of the gospel. Oh how I wish I could, but even something as silly as taking my hand off the automatic window lever reveals the true condition of my heart.
My friend doesn’t know the outcome of her stand yet. I won’t say that she doesn’t care what the result will be because she does. Deeply. What she stands to lose will affect her along with many other people. Despite this, she understands all too well that what she promises to share won’t just affect her, either, for as Romans 1:16 also says, the gospel is the power of God to bring salvation. It is that transforming power that causes her to proclaim her faith with the windows down.
My bathroom light has a wiring problem that causes it to overheat after a few minutes and go black. Joking with my kids, I changed the words to a familiar song and belted out, “this little light of mine. I don’t like to shine.”
But just like I have a work order in with my general contractor (thanks, dad!) to avoid using my camping lantern in the bathroom, I’m asking the Great Physician to do some work on this heart of mine.
Because, after all, lights were made to shine.